so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
