i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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