You work out of a Hotel?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
