i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
