did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
