i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
