dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
