Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
