i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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