he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
