i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
