I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Randomize
