I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
