sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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