its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
