if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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