I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You were trust falling into bushes
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
