when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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