just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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