I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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