Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
