Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
