I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
