I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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