how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
