She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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