If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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