He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
