..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
