remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize