Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
