I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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