I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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