u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
