He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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