Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
