I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
