Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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