Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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