I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
