sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
