No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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