Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
