Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
