im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
