According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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