Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
