I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
