her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
