I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
