Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
