we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
