you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
