he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
