Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ttyl tear gas
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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