so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
