I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
