Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
