im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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