Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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