Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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