i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
