Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
