it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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