Apparently you make a good broom.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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