All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
