Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Please, let me fuck your mom
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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