See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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