You smell like stripper and shame
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
