...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just gift wrapped bread.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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