He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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